June, 2017
Dear Mom,
Its yet another night that I am crying myself to sleep and I can’t stop thinking about this shitty situation we’re in.
I’m just so sad. I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me and I can’t catch my breath. I don’t understand how the world can just keep moving and go along each day, like nothing has happened. Because for me time has just taken on a fundamental shift. The notion of it being so precious has never been so profound.
And I now that I’m going to be sad and mad for a long time. And I’m okay with that. I’m angry that we’re being robbed of another thirty plus years of having you by our side. I’m angry that my children will only have four and seven-ish years to draw on. I’m sad that you won’t be ten minutes down the road anymore. That I won’t be able to see you whenever I want to, whenever my children want to.
I’m mad that you worked so hard to overcome so much, to only have it all snuffed away too soon. And I know we all need to be thankful for all the good times we’ve all had, but fucking hell. This isn’t fair.
At least, after all this is over Mom, you will finally be at peace from all that trauma. And I am SO thankful for that silver lining in and amongst all the loss and pain.
Love Jen
(Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer on Mothers Day 2017 and passed away before the end of July that same year).
